


WAY TO GO, JOHN EGBERT

by lunarvision



Category: Homestuck
Genre: And karkat, Boners, Bulges, Cute, Erections, Finger Fucking, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Fuck rectangles, Grinding, M/M, Not sexually tho, PFFT, Smut, get each other, pls be my friend, rectangles are awful, what am I saying, you get it john
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-05
Updated: 2015-08-05
Packaged: 2018-04-13 02:53:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4504941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunarvision/pseuds/lunarvision
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Movie night gets horribly ruined. But... There's a plus side?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I really hate rectangles.

"FUCK YOU INTO A BOTTOMLESS PIT OF SHAME, TORTURE, AND TERROR JOHN EGBERT. FUCK YOU. YOU SEE THIS??" Karkat screamed as he held up a broken DVD of the new movie they had planned to watch together. "DO. YOU. SEE. THISSSSS," he dragged out the end of his sentence with a hiss as he glared at his human companion. Technically, the broken DVD was a combination of clutziness from both troll and human, but Karkat wasn't prepared to take any blame- nope. "HOW WILL YOU ATONE FOR YOUR SINS? WHAT CAN UR PUNY MORTAL SELF DO TO MAKE UP TO YOUR GOG AND CREATOR, A.K.A. ME. OH WOE IS ME. WOE IS MY FATE OF DOOM AND PAIN AS I DEAL WITH THIS BUCKTOOTHED IMBECILE-"  
"Karkat."  
"WOE IS ME WHO MUST GO THROUGH LIFE HAVING EVERY HAPPINESS WRETCHED FROM MY HANDS-"  
"Karrrkaaatt."  
"I CANNOT LIVE IN THIS WORLD ANY LONGER WITH THESE PITIFUL CREATURES THAT CONTAIN NOTHING BUT SHAME GLOBES UP THEIR FLAT ASSES-"  
"KARKAT!!!!" John Egbert yanked the angry Troll's face towards his own as he looked him in the eyes and calmly said, "Shooosh." Karkat blankly stared at John, mouth agape from a combination of an unfinished rant and mild surprise.  
"Did you just?..."  
"Shooooosh."  
"Did you?..."  
"Shoosh." John lightly papped Karkat on the nose as he continued to shush him. At this, the troll began to grow redder and redder in shade, and the corners of his mouth drew back into an angry snarl; a sure sign that another rant of rage was about to ensue.  
"YOU... ARE...NOT...MY MOIRALL!!!!!!!!!" His words grew louder with each enunciation, if that was even possible, and he began to flap his arms wildly to get this ATROCIOUS FLIPPANT DISGUSTING HUMAN AWAY FROM HIM THIS INSTANT, landing himself on the floor, still flailing, and his face now the hue of a ripe tomato.  
"So then what am I?"  
Karkat paused his fit for a moment to think. "YOU... YOU ARe... Are??...." He grew quiet as his brow furrowed in confusion. John watched him, quietly hiding a laugh behind his hand as he watched the troll's scrunched up face.  
Suddenly, the troll felt a soft pressure on his forehead and he snapped out of his thoughts, looking up to see a very close- WAY TOO CLOSE- John Egbert???? John laughed as he stepped back and gave a little wink, turning slightly pink in the process. Karkat's tomato ripe face deepened in its shade, a feat that should've been impossible. He stared at John for a minute or two, and John fidgeted under his intense gaze.  
"Sorry... I just... I just thought you were kinda cute, getting all worked up like that... you looked like one of those wrinkly pugs with your face all scrunched up and stuff..." A small laugh escaped John's lips as he recalled the scene. Karkat looked down, his face still the hue of a tomato plantation gone wrong, and he started to mumble an incoherent tangle of words that John had to lean in to hear. As he inched his head closer to Karkat's, he could just barely make out, "who does he think he is? What does he think he's doing? Idiot idiot, idIOT, IDIOT!!!!!!!" Karkat screamed the last words as he launched himself onto John's chest, pinning him to the ground, and holding his arms down above his head.  
"JOHN EGBERT."  
"I..I, y-yes?...."  
"YOU DARE PUT YOUR DISGUSTINGLY ADORABLE PINK LIPS ONTO MY SKIN?"  
"Um..."  
"I MEAN-"  
"Uh..."  
"DON'T YOU KNOW THAT I...."  
Karkat trailed off into silence as he looked away from John's face, fangs protruding as he bit his lower lip. He began to speak in his very rare quiet voice, and John strained his ears to hear him. "Don't you know that I still like you?..." Karkat slowly peeled himself off John's body as he began to quickly walk towards his room, hands hiding his burning face. He quietly shut the door behind him and slid to the ground, one hand gently touching his forehead. He kept holding his hand there, pressing his palm down onto the skin as if it would trap the brief kiss that had settled there. A light knock on the door made his hand jump away from his head with a start and Karkat scowled in the direction of the door, as if it was the wooden rectangle's fault. (And of course it was. Rectangles were awful things. Who did they think they were? Stupid uneven squares.) Leaning on this pitiful wooden rectangle was a certain blue human, and he gently inquired,  
"Um... Karkat?.. Are you ok??..."  
"I AM ALWAYS OK HOW DARE YOU LOOK DOWN ON ME I AM THE EPITOME OF OKAYNESS I AM BEYOND OK I AM THE STRONGEST OF THE STRONG AND THE GREATEST OF THE GREAT-"  
"Okay, okay. I get it. Um. Well. I'm... Sorry for kissing your head... It wasn't.. I wasn't trying to... Hurt you??... I just...." John fell into the room as the door opened with a creak. Karkat looked at him with a blank stare and said, "Prove it."  
"I.. What?.."  
"PROVE IT."  
"Whoa- Um.. I, prove what???"  
Karkat looked at his feet and mumbled, "Prove you weren't trying to hurt me."  
John's face lit up at the thought of reconciliation and cheerfully responded, "Sure!!! How???"  
Karkat continued to avoid John's eyes and quietly mumbled "Kiss me."  
"What?..."  
"Kiss me."  
"Wait, but isn't kissing the reason you were mad?? I don't-"  
"GOGDAMMIT JOHN EGBERT, CONNECT YOUR FLOWER SPIT POUCHES WITH MY GREY TROLLIAN RANT MECHANISMS OR SO HELP ME I WILL NEVER TALK TO YOU AGAIN."  
"Alright alright!!!!" John held up his hands in surrender and this time, he was the one to avert his gaze. "Just give me time to prepare.."  
Karkat scowled as he started to redden again, but whether it was out of irritation or embarrassment, even he didn't know. After a minute or 2 of awkward silence and more gaze aversions, John took a deep breath and leaned in to Karkat. The contact was much softer than either of them expected it to be, and Karkat was as red as anyone would expect him to be. Despite his embarrassment, the troll slowly prodded John's lips open with a hesitant tongue, running it along his teeth and gums, earning a slight moan from the human. John gasped in surprise, ashamed of the unexpected noise, and attempted to push Karkat away. Karkat grabbed John's arms as they pushed against his chest, and proceeded to slide his hands up into the human boy's mop of black hair, entangling his fingers in the soft mess, and trapping his face to his. He continued the kiss, this time sucking gently on John's lip, and pressing a knee into the space in between John's legs. The human gasped and squirmed as Karkat's knee gently grinded on John's quickly rising erection. He let out a whimper as he tried to stifle more moans, and Karkat kissed him hard once more on the mouth as he slowly began to trail his lips down John's cheek and neck. John felt Karkat's hands sliding under his shirt as well-(whoa when did that happen?)- his claws lightly scraping his soft, trembling skin as they made their way towards John's chest. He let out an involuntary whine as the troll stepped back, taking all his warmth with him. "Okay. I believe you."  
"I?.. I? What?????" Johns face was a jumble of confusion and incoherency.  
"You weren't trying to hurt me."  
"I.. Y..yeah...."  
"Yeah."  
"Goodnight."  
"G...goodnight???..."  
Karkat gently pushed John out of his room and walked towards his bed, covering his once again reddening face with his hands. He curled into a ball, and hit himself in the head as his thoughts screamed at him. "YOU TOOK IT WAY TOO FAR IDIOT WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP AT THE KISS, THAT WAS ALREADY TOO MUCH, HE'S NOT INTERESTED IN GUYS YOU KNOW THAT YOU ABSOLUTE IDIOT YOU SHAMEFUL BUTT DILDO YOU HORRENDEROUS ATROCITY-" but even as he screamed, he couldn't help but feel John's skin on his hands, John's bulge on his leg, and John's lips on his lips when he closed his eyes. It was a bittersweet feeling mixed with regret, a feeling of satisfaction, and at the same time, a feeling of not having enough. And even as he vowed not to do it again, a certain human in the next room also blushed furiously as he found himself strangely wanting more of the troll's touch.


	2. John Egbert, welcome to the gay side.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Johnny boy loses his virginity and katty kar loses his temper. As usual.
> 
> Everything is so fucking gay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, it's 4 am, and my writing is godawful (like always,) but it can't really be excused by the time, I'm just always a lazy peice of shit who likes to rush things. Here is the product.

'Gay? I'm not gay. I'm the least homosexually gay redundantly speaking person that I know. Heck, I'm not even sexual. I'm not even a non-virgin. Wait. Non-virgin? Yeah, non-virgin. That's a thing. That I am not. Along with being gay. and the not-ness of it. I mean just because' -John once again imagined Karkat's sharp claws tracing the lines of his body and shivered- 'because... Because...'  
"AGHHHHH!!!!" John's internal words were interrupted by his outer words. A certain troll in the next room looked up in worry and concern.  
"John???" He called out with a tentative tone.  
"Sorry!!! I tripped!!! Ha ha!! Ha!!!!.."  
John groaned as he smacked himself in the face. THIS IS STUPID. Suddenly a light knock snapped him out of his internal monologue.  
"John human, you did not sound ok. That was the laugh of someone very un-ok."  
"....I'm fine Karkat."  
"NO. Ahem, I mean, no you aren't. And it's my fault. I'm sorRY. IT WAS- I AM SORRY."  
"C.. Calm down... It's really ok."  
The soft creaks of moving doors echoed in John's ears and grey footsteps tread carefully towards the human. Feeling the warmth of a new presence, John looked up towards a very solemn-looking Karkat.  
"I'm sorry." He said quietly, words crawling out painfully from lips stained with blood from where the troll had bitten too hard. 'HE HATES ME,' he thought. 'HE SERIOUSLY HATES ME, HE LITERALLY SCREAMED IN ANGER AND JOHN NEVER DOES THAT, OH FUCKING GOG.'  
"I. That was. IT WAS REALLY AWFUL AND TERRIBLE OF ME TO DO WHAT I DID AND I DESERVE TO BURN IN THE PITS OF AN UNHOLY WORLD FILLED WITH FIRE AND BRIMSTONE, MORE COMMONLY KNOWN AS HELL AND TO FUCK OFF INTO SPACE AND OBLIVION AND I WON'T EVER DO IT AGAIN." Refusing to show his tears, Karkat swiftly made a 180 and began to walk out of the room.  
"W-wait." A hand grasped the troll's arm then abruptly snapped back to its owner's side. The two stayed frozen for at least a minute, which is actually an entire hour in an awkward situation.  
"But..." John finally said, "What if... Hypothetically... I didn't??? Necessarily??? Um??? Want... It to.... Stop???? And... Even more hypothetically... What if... I.. Wanted... M...more..." The last word came out as a squeak, an entire month's worth of awkward silences and hesitation packed into a single syllable.  
"...John."  
"I..yeah?.."  
"JOHN EGBERT."  
"Y-yeah!"  
"DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU ARE SAYING."  
"I?? Maybe?? Probably??? ...no????"  
"DO YOU REALIZE WHO I AM."  
"Haha, nah."  
"SHUT UP."  
"Ok."  
"JOHN EGBERT," Karkat angrily gritted out through clenched teeth, "YOU'RE MAKING IT VERY HARD FOR ME TO FOLLOW MY PROMISE OF 'NEVER DOING IT AGAIN,' WHEN YOU SAY YOU DON'T EVEN MIND."  
"I mean, that's.. That is definitely not what I said, in fact all of this is hypothetical-"  
"EGBERT I HAVE A LIMIT."  
"Yeah, I mean we all do,"  
"IF YOU ARE CONSENTING I CAN NOT HOLD BACK."  
"H..hold back?-"  
In a blur of motion, troll was on human, tackling the latter into the bed (yet again, another disgusting rectangle,) and desperately seeking the touch of skin.  
"I! W-whoa k-Karkat!!!! Um!!!"  
"JOHN, SHUT UP."  
The troll's grey lips found the human's soft pink ones and delicately tugged the lower petal with his teeth, making John whine in response. The troll's movements were a combination of passion and wariness, the human obviously treated as something Karkat most definitely, so desperately wanted, but wasn't entirely sure if he was allowed to have. Soft kisses filled with a feeling of bittersweet love gently caressed John's body, hands trembling as they gripped the fabric of his shirt. Without even noticing, John leaned in closer to the troll's kisses, his body attracted to the warmth and fire of the other body's presence. With a quiet sigh, Karkat nuzzled into John's neck, eyes becoming wet with fear and uncertainty, then drew back to look at John in the face.  
"John. I really really like you."  
"I-"  
"And. I really really really want you."  
"Um-"  
"But. I can't do this if I don't know you don't want it too. Please. Please." Karkat squeezed his eyes and his body tensed as he waited for an answer, uncertain of the outcome.  
"......Karkat... Are.... you crying?"  
"...."  
"......"  
"GOGDAMMIT JOHN I AM TRYING TO HAVE A SERIOUS MOMENT HERE AND I CAN'T BELIEVE YOUR ATROCIOUS BEHAVIOR, IT IS COMPLETELY UNCALLED FOR. BESIDES, THE ANSWER IS NO. I NEVER CRY. WHAT IS CRYING? C R Y I N G????????" HA! HA HA!! H-"  
"Well if you aren't crying.. You have something wet on your face." John leaned in and placed careful kisses under each of Karkat's eyes, drinking up the warm, salty fluid. Karkat froze, staring at the human.  
"Holy shame globes when did you get so smooth?" With that, the troll pounced on the human once more, his desire overflowing and his restrictions unhinged. Hands desperately clawed at the shirt that stood in the way of skin-touching-skin, and he ripped the annoying barrier away with his claws, earning a exasperated protest from John.  
"You are so lucky I'm not attached to that shir-"  
With skin finally touching skin, the troll reunited mouths as well, exploring the caverns inside John's lips and flooding them with the taste of rust from Karkat's bloody lips. The lips met and parted again and again, each time growing more and more desperate. Karkat's tongue slid across the roof of John's mouth, making him shudder and stutter out,  
"W-wow. Horny much?"  
"JOHN. DON'T BE A DAVE."  
"What is /that/ supposed to mean?"  
"YOU'RE TALKING TOO MUCH. BESIDES. YOU'RE ONE TO TALK." Karkat went down to face dear ol' Johnny-boy's crotch, a typical action in a frick-fracking session, and sucked on the the rising erection in John's pants, making his body jolt in surprise.  
"SEE? YOU'RE MOCKING ME BUT YOU'RE PLENTY AROUSED TOO," he said, pouting like a small child. "AND-" he continued, "IT'S STILL," he bent his head again, "NOT ENOUGH." John yelped as Karkat ripped his pants off too, (right along with his underwear-how convenient,) lips touching the now entirely hard dick directly. John couldn't hold back his whimpers as Karkat slowly and deliberately slid his tongue up John's hard-on. First kissing the head, he began to devour John's length completely, causing John's body to writhe uncontrollably from the warmth of his mouth. His knuckles turned white from clenching the bed sheets as he felt his limit approaching, so close- so, so clo-  
"No."  
John gave a desperate sob, hips following Karkat as he moved away from John's body.  
"Karkat, w-why? Karkat, please, I'm so close, please,"  
Karkat moved back into John's warmth, but dismissed his pleas for release, and instead, ignoring the dick, slid his tongue up John's stomach and chest, all the way to the tip of his chin, ending the trail with a kiss on his nose. John arched his back as the tongue traveled, tensing every muscle and every bone. Karkat leaned down again to suck gently on John's nipple, running his tongue over and over the bud, and tugging it from its root with his teeth. John bit his lip, trying to stop himself from making anymore noise than he already had, face flushed with embarrassment and pleasure.  
"No," Karkat repeated, moving his mouth back to John's.  
"If you do that, we'll both have bloody lips," he murmured, "and only I'm allowed to have bloody lips."  
"Don't be a Dave," John murmured back.  
"Fuck you," Karkat responded in a low voice into John's ear, hot breath sending chills down his neck.  
"Y-you already are."  
Karkat laughed, "This isn't fucking, ignoramus." He flipped over John, and the human felt a wet.. Thing??? Lapping up his-holy crap that was his asshole, where?? Poop came from??? What the HELL?????? John shuddered as Karkat's tongue invaded his backyard, the singular muscle thrusting in and out of his hole.  
"K-karkat," John gasped as he tried to speak without moaning, "th-thats's really not-ah! S-sanitar-"  
"Don't be a certain friend who has an obsession with rapping and shades." As he spoke, Karkat stuck a finger into his mouth, wetting it with his saliva. John gasped again as he felt the digit sliding into his body.  
"A-ahH!! K-!"  
Karkat slowly slid the finger in and out of John's body. With each inwards movement, John took a sharp breath, and with each outwards pull, he gave a whine, as if he couldn't decide whether the finger belonged or not. After a bit, the troll raised it to 2 digits. After /that/, his impatient nature broke through and he leaned into John's ear to say, "THIS is."  
"H-huh??"  
"THIS is fucking."  
Without waiting for a response, the tip of Karkat's bulge slid into John's body and he cried out in shock. The bulge expanded inside him, writhing around and exploring his insides. John cried out with each slick movement and Karkat bit his lip again, reopening the bleeding wound.  
"K-Karkat, a-ah, I, I don't th-mmfgh!!!!! Think that," John gasped out, "I don't think alien d-ahHH!!!!!! I DON'T THINK ALIEN DING DONGS ARE SUPPOSED TO GO THER-!!!!!!!!!!" John's voice rose as Karkat began to thrust into John's body, his bulge sliding in and out of his hole as he trembled and shook. The bulge had no problem hitting John's prostate every time it moved, and John could see nothing but white stars, exploding every time the "ding dong" hit its mark. With each thrust, John could feel himself getting closer and closer, and with each thrust, John's strangled cries grew louder and louder.  
"K-karkat, I-"  
Karkat nodded his head into John's back and they came together, splattering the sheets with semen. They collapsed onto the bed and moved into each other's arms, panting and shaking.  
"This.. Is gross."  
"You're right. And it came from your body. You should be ashamed."  
"Shut up, it's your fault," John laughed. Karkat made a very serious face and replied,  
"Ding dong is a stupid word, John."  
"I think you're a stupid word."  
"Ooo, sick burn John, you're making Dave Strider proud."  
"That.. Was humiliating."  
"You're right. Good job catching my use of the human skill called sarcasm."  
"No, I mean," John paused and blushed.  
"Oh," Karkat said softly, his face turning red as well.  
"B-but only because of the.. positions. I want a turn next time."  
"...what??" Karkat wasn't sure if he should focus his attention on the word "turn," or "next time," as the former made him anxious and the latter made him excited.  
"On top. I want a turn."  
"...WHAT." Karkat's normal tone of constant-yelling that had been repressed during his focused and serious demeanor now returned.  
"Yeah."  
"NO."  
"Yes."  
"NO."  
"Yesssss."  
"NO," Karkat firmly repeated as he snuggled in closer to John's body and nuzzled his head into the crook of his neck. He sleepily repeated the word once more, as he drifted into dream bubbles.  
"No..."  
John listened to the quiet snores of the unconscious troll and smiled.  
"Yes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoop whoop, welcome to the gay side John, it's nice to see you here. I am also here. Only thing is, I'm a girl. *shrug* If you would like to see John top, go ahead and leave a comment to spur on more terrible writing. It was my first time ever writing smut so??? ????? I think??? It could've?? Gone worse??? Yes.

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo... chapter 1(???).....Sorry if it was unsatisfactory, it's my first time writing fan fiction. Oops. It'll get better with time I suppose. Also it's 4 am and I have to be awake in a bit so I was trying to finish it quickly. Maybe I'll fix it up later. Ill continue it hopefully with more sauciness if I get good reviews ;))) *wonk*


End file.
